


Track 7 – Little Lion Man (Mumford and Sons)

by REwrites



Series: Play It Again [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, Hogwarts Era, Inspired by Music, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 15:50:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/699936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/REwrites/pseuds/REwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he was gone, Remus curled back into the hospital bed wondering when, or if, he would ever stop finding himself at the end of other people's mistakes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Track 7 – Little Lion Man (Mumford and Sons)

  
**But it was not your fault but mine**   
**And it was your heart on the line**   
**I really fucked it up this time**   
**Didn't I, my dear?**   
**Didn't I, my dear?**   


" _No! No! I don't wanna! Please don't make me!" five-year-old Remus Lupin cried loudly as his father carried him down the stairs to the cellar below the house. Memories of the last time his father had brought him to the cellar surfaced. He hated the cellar. It was dark and full of monsters. Monsters with bright yellow eyes and sharp pointy teeth that hurt him._

_He swung tiny legs and beat tiny fists against his father's chest as hard as he could. "I hate you! Let me go!"_

" _Shhh, Remus, it will be okay," his father said, setting him on the cold stone floor. He watched as his father drew his wand and began casting spells, soft lights dancing around the room._

" _I'll be good," Remus said, thinking wildly of anything to get his father to take him from this place. "I promise! Please…daddy."_

_Remus began to sob as his father pocketed his wand and removed his robe. He felt humiliated and scared. Why did they make him do this?_

_His father kneeled in front of him, running fingers through his sweaty hair. Why was he so hot? He tried to draw a deep breath but it hurt his throat. Strong arms came around him, pulling him close. Remus buried his face into the familiar broad chest and continued to cry._

" _M'scared," Remus mumbled._

" _I know you're scared, son. If I could do this for you I—" he broke off with a sob and Remus felt a hot tears fall onto his face. Concern for his father managed to penetrate through his fear. He reached up and tried to wipe the wetness away from his father's face, copying the movements his parents had done for him dozens of times. His father was speaking again. "You need to be brave, Remus. Do you remember the talk we had last time?"_

" _About the wolf?"_

" _Yes. He's going to come again tonight." Remus trembled. "I know it's scary. I know it hurts. But you have to be strong. Because he will come again for the rest of your life."_

_Remus didn't understand. "Why?"_

" _I'm so sorry, Remus. I—"_

_A sharp pain lanced through him suddenly. He stumbled, his limbs beginning to shake uncontrollably. Warm hands were cupping his face again._

" _I love you," his father whispered against his forehead, placing a kiss there. "Be brave, okay?"_

_Through a haze of pain and fear he nodded and watched his father back away._

" _Be brave," he whispered to himself._

_The door to the cellar opened and closed and he was alone._

" _Be brave."_

_He continued to say the words to himself until his courageous mantra became piercing howls and the wolf burst through his body._

Remus woke suddenly, feeling disoriented. It took him several minutes to realize he was not in his parent's cellar but in the hospital wing. He breathed deeply, trying to dispel the melancholy that gripped his heart.

It had been ages since he'd thought about that night. His father, wracked with guilt. Realizing, at the tender age of five, that there would be pain for the rest of his life. Choosing to stand tall rather than weep for his misery.

Grunting with effort, he sat up, curious about the sharp pain in his side. He hadn't felt this rotten after full moon in months. Not since… His lips turned up as he caught sight of the dark-haired boy sleeping at the end of his bed, half-seated in chair, his arms cradling his head on the mattress.

Quietly, he reached for one of the potions Pomfrey always left for him on the bedside table. The movement must have woken him, however, because Sirius sat up with a mumbled, "Moony?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

Sirius rubbed his eyes and moved to sit on the bed beside him. "How're you feeling?" he asked tentatively.

"Like shit," Remus admitted, grimacing as he downed the pain relief potion. "Where were you last night?"

He couldn't remember them being there the night before now that he thought about it. He'd become rather used to the calming presence of his animal companions on full moon nights but instead of their soothing respite he remembered rage. Burning rage and an agonizing thirst for blood. The intoxicating scent of humans so close.

Snatches of memories from the night before began crashing through his mind. Prey slipping just through his grasp. Pain as he took his fury out on his own body. The empty vial fell from his shaking hands and onto his lap. Sirius placed it back onto the cabinet.

"What happened?" he asked Sirius quietly.

Sirius was biting his lip hard enough to bleed. "It's my fault," he said in a rush. "I'm so sorry, Remus."

He frowned as he listened to Sirius spin his tale. His heart grew heavy and his whole body felt numb the longer he listened. Sirius's eyes were red and puffy by the time he'd finished.

"It's okay, Padfoot."

Sirius shook his head. "It's not okay! I'm—"

"It's done. I'm not going to be expelled and no one was hurt."

"You were hurt," Sirius said, running his fingers over his bandaged abdomen. Remus refrained from telling him no one important was hurt. That would only rile him up more. "And it's my fault. I did this. I promised I would never…fucking Snape just wound me up so badly."

"You made a mistake."

"I'm sorry." Sirius gripped his hands tightly, earnest grey eyes boring into his, begging for forgiveness. "If I could take it back I would."

"It's okay. I'm tired, Sirius. I think I want to go back to sleep for a while.

Sirius closed his eyes at the dismissal, wiping away the tear that spilled over his cheek. Remus felt clever fingers brush through his hair and across his cheek as Sirius stooped to kiss him gently on the mouth. "I love you," Sirius said against his lips.

"I know."

Sirius kissed him again—long and slow and undemanding—and left with a promise to bring Remus lunch later. Remus nodded and told him that would be nice. When he was gone, Remus curled back into the hospital bed wondering when, or if, he would ever stop finding himself at the end of other people's mistakes.

He couldn't hate Sirius. He loved the idiot. Had found more joy in the sweet, stolen kisses and late night confessions than he'd ever felt in all his sixteen years. Sirius was his friend. Sirius had done more for him in the last six years than most people would in a lifetime. Sirius loved him.

The small voice from his dream chanting "be brave" kept the tears at bay. The betrayal hurt, but he could forgive this. He would forgive Sirius anything. But he would not forget.


End file.
